Well hello!

It's been a few minutes, and I'll start off with apologizing for that - the bad news came hard and fast in February and it's been a whirlwind of activity and emotions since then. Now, I'm back to give you the update:

I'm moving out of Texas in two days! An old friend has invited me to move to Missouri and I've spent the last few weeks selling furniture and packing up again. To move. AGAIN. 😡

Readers of this blog are already aware of the nightmare I went through a mere 8 months before to get everything moved from one apartment to another, and now it's happening all over again.

Have I mentioned before how much I hate moving? This time is going to be easier in some ways, and much more difficult in others. Most all the furniture we've accumulated over the last 18 years has either been sold, or will be left behind. My friends are coming down with a large GMC pickup truck and the big cargo trailer you can rent from UHaul. They are leaving to head down here tomorrow morning. 

I'm happy to be getting out of Texas finally. I've been unhappy here for a long time. I'm chronically ill and have a lot of pain management issues and I smoke cannabis to help me with pain. Fortunately this will no longer be an issue for me in Missouri, where not only is it recreationally legal, it will be very easy for me to a get a patient's card as well as a growers card so I can grow my own at home, too.

I'm worried about the cats on this trip - none of the three of them have ever been in a carrier for that amount of time and it's a really long drive like 13 hours, so I am definitely concerned about how they are going to handle it. 

Am I going to miss Texas? Well sure I will. I'm a native Texan, and even more importantly I'm a native Houstonian. I am proud of being from here. My family goes back many generations here. Unfortunately, due to the job climate and other issues regarding laws and choices are becoming increasingly more oppressive and it's no longer viable for me to be here, financially or healthwise.

I'm moving from the 4th largest city in the USA to a small town with less than 1000 people. I am more than okay with this! Even five years ago I'd have protested to be out of the city, but nowadays, I just want some peace and quiet! I want to go back to the country and enjoy nature. 

So that's basically the gist of it: Moving to Missouri in two days and I'm terrified and excited at the same time. I'll post again once we've arrived.

The last few days have been rough. Losing Tony was hard enough on it's own, but I got some additional bad news as well as an unfortunate event that has left me in the midst of some very heavy duty anxiety and depression. Due to my health further declining (that's as much detail as I'm willing to give right now), I am going to be tendering my resignation at my job today. I am really upset to have to give this job up altogether - I was really hoping and trying to make it work so that I could continue to work as a disabled person, but it was not meant to be. At the time of this writing, I have not told them yet, but will be having a meeting with my manager later this morning and will break the news then.

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Two hours later:

I had the meeting and they were so kind. They are going to take the steps necessary to make sure I'm rehire eligible, so I'm really grateful for that. It's a good company, and I will definitely miss my job there.

In other news, I've been spending a huge amount of time on the Neebs Gaming Discord server, and met some nice people and we've started trying out a couple of games together. I really need that in my life right now, so yeah - and especially being other members of the Neebs Gaming community makes it even better. 

I'm going to do some resting up because working the last few months has been very hard on me physically as well as mentally so I'm due for a rest. 

For now, I'm gonna grab some food and meet back up with my gaming friends - see ya soon.

Long Live the Wyvern King

I just found out the news that Tony "Thick44" Schnur has lost his battle with cancer. I can't even begin to express the grief and shock I am feeling right now. Neebs Gaming has been a really big part of my life for several years, and one of my goals is to attend one of their live events someday. I have laughed with these guys and they have gotten me through some really dark times. Thick44, aka the Wyvenrn King, was a gifted and talented person who gave so much entertainment to the world and it is definitely a sadder place without him in it. I've been having a lot of trouble with depression and anxiety recently and finding this out in the midst of it is pretty unbearable right now. My heart goes out to Tony's family and the Neebs Gaming family because I cannot even begin to imagine how hard this is for them.

I posted six videos to my YouTube channel, and while I'm proud of it, I've also learned a few things: 1. It's a lot of fun 2. It's very complicated. 3. It's something I'll return to off and on, but it's not my passion. Passion. Is it necessary to have a passion in life? I've been thinking a great deal about that lately. So I've started doing a little research, watched some TedTalks and some other YouTube vids, and I started learning more about what a passion is and more importantly, what it is not. When I start thinking about the things I enjoy the most and what I keep going back to, things like reading, video gaming, science fiction, fantasy, spiritual growth - and I decided to follow some advice based on the research I've done and started revisiting some of these things that I love so much and try to find what other things relate to them and go even further. Right now, I've been lead back to languages and linguistics. So of course, back to the interwebs to do more research and maybe take a couple of free online courses and see where that leaves me. If I seem vague here, it's on purpose. Hope your endeavors in life are going well. Till next time!

I finally got over myself and posted some videos to my gaming channel on YouTube! I don't even care if anyone watches them (not true) or not, I'm just really psyched that I finally started. I've posted four videos in the past two days, and I've got a lot of ideas for new videos, too! I'd be honored if you'd go check it out - if you like and subscribe it would be a huge help to me, so thanks in advance. If you have any ideas for gaming videos you'd like to see, I'm definitely open to recommendations! Here's the link PamIAm Gaming If you're reading this, thank you!!

A little over a week into the new year - the road is a little rocky right now, but nothing I can't handle. I've been making a serious return to my religious beliefs and have been rededicating myself to my faith. I have called myself Pagan for many years, but my true roots are bound in Wicca and I've been working towards returning to those roots recently. The Tarot is speaking its truth as always, and I'm glad to have pulled my head out of the sand and started listening again. You can't keep doing the same things and expect anything to change. I've made a few "test videos" for the gaming channel, but the results are so disapointing that I don't have the courage to post any of them yet. I'm also starting to realize that the scope of what I wanted to acheive is pretty demanding and I need to move a little slower. In other news, I'm getting closer to my goal of a vehicle in 2023. It's so easy to get bogged down in everyday life and lose sight of your goals. I'm trying hard not to fall back into that pattern. I've also had some meetings with the higher ups at work and have made some positive changes to my work schedule - reducing my hours a bit will hopefully alleviate some of the anxiety I've been up against lately. Let's take a moment here to talk about books - I finally finished Stephen King's Fairy Tale and WOW what a great read! An amazing fantasy tale with a great plot and an exciting adventure that includes a lot of mystery - so much so that it left me wanting to learn much more about this new world that SK has created here. I highly recommend this book!

Hope everyone had a wonderful Yule and a great christmas! It was okay here, nothing spectacular. I went to a friends house for a Yule celebration which was nice - christmas day I mostly just watched tv and played some video games. We had some issues with internet outages on the 23rd and 24th which messed up my work schedule, but things seem to be back to normal now so I should be able to return to work today with no issues. I don't expect it to be very busy, but you never know! This is the traditional time of year when everyone starts talking about doing a new years' resolution, so I started thinking about what things I'd like to accomplish or improve for the new year, and so far I have a few ideas: The number one goal I'd like to accomplish is to finally put PamIAm Gaming on the map! I've started teaching myself how to use OBS Studio, and after finding a couple of very outstanding YouTube video tutorials, I managed to record a short test video and it turned out pretty good - the sound is a bit muffled, but I'm sure I can find out how to resolve that as well. My next big challege here is to learn some basic editing skills, and get the first video uploaded to my channel.

In other goals, I want to get a vehicle this coming year. I want to spend more time with friends, and maybe do a little travelling. Nothing too over ambitious, but a few good things to work on. I hope things are going well in your world and as always, feel free to drop a comment or send me an email with your thoughts or ideas.