Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Today. Was. Brutal. I am in a state of exhaustion and bodily pain that has made me a complete emotional wreck. I made it through work, barely, and kept bursting into tears in class ON VIDEO in front of everyone and it was so damned embarrassing. Anyway.

It's about 7:30pm and the UHaul truck is parked outside, filled to the brim, and neither one of us has the strength to empty it. 85% of our furniture is still at the other apartment. The UHaul has to go back at 5:30pm tomorrow. Yeah.

When I got off work at 5, I grabbed some blankets and a few empty boxes to take back to the old place, and stopped by Jack in the Box to get Tom some food. I had a bunch of loose stuff I needed to get into the car, breakable shit, you know the kind. It took about six trips (remember, stairs) and I was sobbing openly in public the whole time. Tom keeps telling me, "You have to stop" and I'm just fucking flabbergasted I'm like, "do you think I can control this shit? I hate that I'm like this!" I mean, it just feels like I am so completely fucking alone with no emotional support. I know that's probably not a fair assessment but that is how I feel right now. 

I am so tired. Not just physically, tired of the struggle. I try to be there for other people, but when I look around there is no one.