My friend John's son Jordan came and helped Tom move the rest of the furniture. They finished around 4pm so it appears that after 100 minor disasters and 8 or 10 major disasters, we might have most of our stuff.

So, it's all here. We ate pizza and passed out around 7:30 last night - now its a little after 5am and I'm up and drinking coffee, getting ready for work. Training is over so I can just log on, take my calls and not have to worry about looking good or being on video or any meetings and I am here for it.

 So now I was just informed that the people that were supposed to help move the furniture have bailed out. Now I'm expected to do it and I am just utterly fucked. My only fucking day off and forget getting to rest I am so mad about this move and I'm angry and I want to blame people. 

I was also just informed that my desk won't be coming to the new place, because it's been destroyed now too. So I guess I get to do my job with no desk. Great.

 So we made it to Friday morning. I'm having such a hard time keeping my anxiety at bay, and was accused yesterday of "looking for things to worry about". Wow. The biggest thing I think, is feeling this way and not being able to shake it, and knowing that if I reach out, I'm told stuff like that so what's the point? Then I just spiral back down into it. I've been leaning HARD on a technique that Navy Seals use called "box breathing". It's so simple but it does seem to help. The Balance app on my phone is also a life saver for me in these situations, so if you struggle the way I do, I recommend giving some of these ideas a try yourself.

The furniture? Yeah, it's still at the old apartment. We have kept the Uhaul for two more days but I am running out of money, ya'll, and I still need to make rent for Nov. 1st. 

Work is its own separate bullshit deal right now - the actual taking of calls is nothing, super easy - it's just all the other crap you have to deal with, I'm trying to hang on. I'm hoping on my one day off tomorrow that Tom can get a couple of people to help with the damned furniture. I'm sick of thinking and worrying about this shit. 

Work calls in about fifteen so I gotta go get that last cigarette in. 

More later.

 

 

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Today. Was. Brutal. I am in a state of exhaustion and bodily pain that has made me a complete emotional wreck. I made it through work, barely, and kept bursting into tears in class ON VIDEO in front of everyone and it was so damned embarrassing. Anyway.

It's about 7:30pm and the UHaul truck is parked outside, filled to the brim, and neither one of us has the strength to empty it. 85% of our furniture is still at the other apartment. The UHaul has to go back at 5:30pm tomorrow. Yeah.

When I got off work at 5, I grabbed some blankets and a few empty boxes to take back to the old place, and stopped by Jack in the Box to get Tom some food. I had a bunch of loose stuff I needed to get into the car, breakable shit, you know the kind. It took about six trips (remember, stairs) and I was sobbing openly in public the whole time. Tom keeps telling me, "You have to stop" and I'm just fucking flabbergasted I'm like, "do you think I can control this shit? I hate that I'm like this!" I mean, it just feels like I am so completely fucking alone with no emotional support. I know that's probably not a fair assessment but that is how I feel right now. 

I am so tired. Not just physically, tired of the struggle. I try to be there for other people, but when I look around there is no one. 

 I'm in the new place - I'm at work. I have a bunch of stuff I want to post about last night and everything but it's going to have to wait till I have a few minutes to spare, Suffice it to say for now that it's going okay at the moment, but there are some issues. 

More soon.

 It's on like Donkey Kong! It's now 1pm, and I'm coming back from lunch. When I say lunch, I mean frantically stuffing things in the car. I keep trying to eat but no appetite, when I take a bite I have to just spit it out. Tom's on his way to the new place with the second car load, we don't get the truck til 530pm so until then we have to move stuff in the car, which is very small. (Chevy Spark look it up) Anyway, the cats know something's going down.

Updates later.