My friend John's son Jordan came and helped Tom move the rest of the furniture. They finished around 4pm so it appears that after 100 minor disasters and 8 or 10 major disasters, we might have most of our stuff.

So, it's all here. We ate pizza and passed out around 7:30 last night - now its a little after 5am and I'm up and drinking coffee, getting ready for work. Training is over so I can just log on, take my calls and not have to worry about looking good or being on video or any meetings and I am here for it.

 So now I was just informed that the people that were supposed to help move the furniture have bailed out. Now I'm expected to do it and I am just utterly fucked. My only fucking day off and forget getting to rest I am so mad about this move and I'm angry and I want to blame people. 

I was also just informed that my desk won't be coming to the new place, because it's been destroyed now too. So I guess I get to do my job with no desk. Great.

 So we made it to Friday morning. I'm having such a hard time keeping my anxiety at bay, and was accused yesterday of "looking for things to worry about". Wow. The biggest thing I think, is feeling this way and not being able to shake it, and knowing that if I reach out, I'm told stuff like that so what's the point? Then I just spiral back down into it. I've been leaning HARD on a technique that Navy Seals use called "box breathing". It's so simple but it does seem to help. The Balance app on my phone is also a life saver for me in these situations, so if you struggle the way I do, I recommend giving some of these ideas a try yourself.

The furniture? Yeah, it's still at the old apartment. We have kept the Uhaul for two more days but I am running out of money, ya'll, and I still need to make rent for Nov. 1st. 

Work is its own separate bullshit deal right now - the actual taking of calls is nothing, super easy - it's just all the other crap you have to deal with, I'm trying to hang on. I'm hoping on my one day off tomorrow that Tom can get a couple of people to help with the damned furniture. I'm sick of thinking and worrying about this shit. 

Work calls in about fifteen so I gotta go get that last cigarette in. 

More later.

 

 

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Today. Was. Brutal. I am in a state of exhaustion and bodily pain that has made me a complete emotional wreck. I made it through work, barely, and kept bursting into tears in class ON VIDEO in front of everyone and it was so damned embarrassing. Anyway.

It's about 7:30pm and the UHaul truck is parked outside, filled to the brim, and neither one of us has the strength to empty it. 85% of our furniture is still at the other apartment. The UHaul has to go back at 5:30pm tomorrow. Yeah.

When I got off work at 5, I grabbed some blankets and a few empty boxes to take back to the old place, and stopped by Jack in the Box to get Tom some food. I had a bunch of loose stuff I needed to get into the car, breakable shit, you know the kind. It took about six trips (remember, stairs) and I was sobbing openly in public the whole time. Tom keeps telling me, "You have to stop" and I'm just fucking flabbergasted I'm like, "do you think I can control this shit? I hate that I'm like this!" I mean, it just feels like I am so completely fucking alone with no emotional support. I know that's probably not a fair assessment but that is how I feel right now. 

I am so tired. Not just physically, tired of the struggle. I try to be there for other people, but when I look around there is no one. 

 I'm in the new place - I'm at work. I have a bunch of stuff I want to post about last night and everything but it's going to have to wait till I have a few minutes to spare, Suffice it to say for now that it's going okay at the moment, but there are some issues. 

More soon.

 It's on like Donkey Kong! It's now 1pm, and I'm coming back from lunch. When I say lunch, I mean frantically stuffing things in the car. I keep trying to eat but no appetite, when I take a bite I have to just spit it out. Tom's on his way to the new place with the second car load, we don't get the truck til 530pm so until then we have to move stuff in the car, which is very small. (Chevy Spark look it up) Anyway, the cats know something's going down.

Updates later.

 It's officially moving day. It's a little after 8am, and things are chaotic. I have to log on to work at 9am, and then work until 2:30. Then, I have to break down my entire computer system, both monitors, and the modem stuff and get it all over to the new place by 3pm. Then, once Comcast has the internet turned on, I have to be at the storage place to pick up the U-Haul at 5:30pm. Then, it's balls-to-the-wall moving over the immediate stuff I need for day to day, including the CATS! 

I'm more worried about getting the cats moved safely than just about anything else. 

The only other thing I'm worried about more is getting my rig set up at the new place in time to log on to work in the morning. Then, I have to work 9-5 the rest of the week while we are moving stuff at the same time. 

I will get Saturday off. My new schedule starts on Sunday so I'm only going to have ONE DAY to finish up whatever I need to before work starts back on Sunday.

I'm worried, ya'll. If you're in the Houston area, I could definitely use a little help, I'll buy a pizza, lol.

 I'm just so fucking exhausted right now. I'm about to head back into training in a few minutes, but it's been a really shitty day so far and there's more to come. 

The regular trainer wasn't in today like she was supposed to be, so her boss is taking over today and I already know he's an ass from past experience. Then he came in there this morning, chastising everyone and talking down to everyone. Then I had to tell him I need to leave early tomorrow because Comcast needs my equipment over at the new place. So he's giving me this whole rash of shit about it and it's taking every fiber of my being not to just quit right now. 

I'm seriously stressed already and this is not helping. I told him in a private video chat that I find him abrasive and condescending. Yeah, that did not go well. 

More later.

 Well, we made it. Today is the last full day I have to live in this apartment. Tomorrow, the chaos begins. I'm doing everything I can to remain calm and approach this with purpose. It's stressful though, you know? Especially worried about the big pieces of furniture because there's no physical way I can do it without help. I really hope things go smoothly. Very nervous about work too because I have to work in the middle of all this going on, and I realized that the Comcast dude is going to need the equipment over there at the new place from three to five pm tomorrow and I don't get off work until five. I'm just going to have to tell them that I'll have to leave a couple of hours early tomorrow. I don't think I will lose my job over it, but I have to do this, the lease is literally up and I gotta go. 

I'll post updates.

 I am just here to say look at my guy, Niblet. He's a flame point Siamese and I've had him since the day he was born! My furry friend and constant companion! 

October 22, 2022

 

Okay so I'm not going to lie, things have been very rough for the last month. My spouse, Tom, lost his job unexpectedly at the end of September. I managed to get another job with a good company and it's a much better fit and not so grueling. I'm making money and Tom was approved for unemployment benefits, and he's been applying for a million or so jobs, so it's going to be okay. We are very stressed about the move because we could no longer afford to hire movers, and I'm now going to have to be working remotely in the middle of the move.

Fortunately, a couple of Tom's friends are going to help us out with the big pieces of furniture and we should be able get the rest of it on our own with the help of a rented U-Haul truck. I'm not going to lie, it was touch and go there for awhile, but at least now there's a solid plan and we know we will be able to survive - things will be tight for awhile, but we'll make it happen.

I sold tons of books, games, dvds, etc to Half Price Books, and as well as selling my bicycle and Tom's electric guitar on Facebook Marketplace. The bills are getting paid and we will power through this. I threw away and donated so many clothes and dishes, and a few knick knacks. There's still a ton of stuff but there's still a weight lifted not to have to deal with all that stuff anymore.

I feel guilty for not posting regularly right now, but real life gets in the way. I keep picking up books and putting them down because I can't concentrate. I have been watching a lot of YouTube videos, doing some meditating and journaling in the mornings and that seems to be helping with anxiety and worry. I'll be back though, things will settle back down and hopefully I'll be able to finish up commentary for House of the Dragon, right now I just can't concentrate on it, so no spoilers! Hopefully I'll be back with more cheerful content soon.